Sunday, October 13, 2013

Rearview Mirror

I have avoided writing about my family out of sadness.Sadness because so much has changed since my mom died, and since I had my two accidents, which happened the December after my mom died. I think the worst part is my dad. He couldn't cope-he couldn't cope with me being hurt, and while he handled some of my legal stuff, I never felt understood-or like he was able to be supportive.I understand, as my therapists have pointed out, that many people can't cope with someone who is hurt the way I was hurt. I know that the memory stuff lost, and the pain were not visible-but I see my father doting on every stray animal, and asking waiters how they feel, hurts. I am tired of explaining, and tired of trying to bring him into the world I have now-the one where I think about how to rebuild my life.And I get really angry sometimes, because he preaches that family is the most important thing ever.And doesn't seem to understand..I am family. I am staying here and trying to sort out my post Sandy life-and all I can think is-my mom would never have let this happen. It has destroyed us. I no longer feel like his daughter.I feel like an afterthought. Think of it like this-if someone were sick or in pain, don't you think they would will themselves out of it if it were possible?I come from a very difficult family, but knowing this and experiencing it is two different things. All I would tell him-if he would listen, is that it isn't my fault I got hurt. And I don't think we will ever be ok again.It's a mess.

1 comment:

  1. This is a beautiful melancholy ode to the utter humanity that exist within those forged within the fire. You have learned the strength of water. I'm glad I stumbled upon your heroic fight.